How to Find Calm With Your In-Laws (or Parents)

Hey hey, Mama,

Since Wednesdays are all about YOUR wellness, let’s talk about this topic in relation to just that:

YOUR WELLNESS AS AN EXPECTING MOTHER IN HER FIRST PREGNANCY

Cuz that’s what really matters here, you know? That’s the real priority when drama comes up.

If you've ever found yourself lying awake at night running imaginary conversations in your head that start with "Mom, I love you, but BACK OFF"... you're not alone.

I’ve been there.

And judging by the flood of posts I see in the FB group, so has just about everyone else who’s ever grown a baby.

The tension that can come up between you and your in-laws or even your own parents during pregnancy is so real.

Suddenly everyone seems to have a PhD in obstetrics, a psychic ability to predict your labor date, and a strong opinion on everything from the brand of diapers you haven’t even bought yet to whether or not you’re letting your baby’s soul “settle” by picking a name too early.

And somehow... it’s all about them.

But here’s the thing I’ve learned—and yes, I had to learn it the hard way, through gritted teeth and a lot of deep breathing: you can't change their expectations, but you can change the energy you bring to the room.

Let me explain.

But when you pause for a second and see that behind their misguided attempts is just a desire to stay connected… it might help soften the sting.

It doesn’t excuse the boundary-stepping, but it can shift your perspective—and that can change everything.

Now, here’s the part where I want to talk about you.

Because at the end of the day, you’re the one carrying a baby.

You’re the one dealing with heartburn and Braxton Hicks and the urge to cry at toilet paper commercials.

Your wellness—mental, emotional, and physical—has to be your priority.

So let’s talk about what to do when family friction starts fraying your edges.

Here are a few ways to de-escalate yourself in the moment:

1. The 5-Second “Softening” Pause
When your mother-in-law says something like, “You’re not planning to give birth in a tub, are you?”... instead of snapping back, pause.

Take five seconds to breathe in through your nose, exhale slowly, and remind yourself: This is not about me. This is her fear speaking.

Softening your internal reaction protects your peace.

2. Redirect the Conversation With Kind Authority
You don’t have to explain or justify every decision.

Sometimes a calm, “That’s something we’ve decided works best for us,” is the end of the conversation.

No apologies.

No big explanations.

Just your boundary, stated with love and a closed-mouth smile.

3. Use “Mantras for the Moment”
I’m a big believer in having a calming phrase at the ready.

Mine was: I’m growing a human, not taking a vote.

Another one I love: I am safe, my baby is safe, and that’s what matters most.

(P.S. I have a whole book of affirmations you can use—seriously, bookmark a few and keep them in your phone. Instant reset.)

4. Schedule a “Recalibration Ritual” After Triggers
If you know you’re about to see family, go in with a post-visit plan.

This could be a 10-minute walk outside, a warm shower, or texting a friend who gets it.

Give your nervous system a chance to come back to baseline.

5. Journal the Drama (Then Burn It If You Want) 🔥
Write it all down.

Every annoying comment.

Every eye roll you stifled.

It helps to get it out somewhere that isn’t your group text.

Sometimes the act of writing is all you need to release the tension.

And if not—hey, controlled paper burning is therapeutic too.

And if you need a mental reset, here are a few affirmations straight from my book Positive Affirmations for a Joyful and Stress-Free Pregnancy and Birth that are perfect for this situation:

Sometimes, just saying those out loud—especially when you're feeling overwhelmed—can help bring the temperature down and bring your heart back to center.

You are creating a new life, and that requires space, softness, and so much self-compassion.

Protect your peace.

Honor your boundaries.

And remember—this baby is yours.

You got this momma,
Naomi